The Rocky Hora Chanukah Song

For this year's Festival of Lights, the team at The Canadian Jewish Shmooze is sharing the Shlomones' new holiday parody track.

Chanukah's history and lighting rules

In an exclusive to cjnews.com, Rabbi Michael Stavsky takes us deep inside the meaning of and the lessons to be learned from the festival of lights. Chanukah comes alive in his retelling of the Second Temple's desecration and in his detailed account of the rules for lighting the menorah.

For your primer on the true meaning of the chag, jump to Rabbi Stavsky's column here.

Chanukah Farewell 5771

And so we bid farewell, and make one final salute to Chanukah 2010 with this video parody by graduates of the Ein Prat Academy, Israel spoofing the Black Eyed Peas "Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night". The video was filmed and edited by Toronto's own Aaron Rotenberg.…

Chanukah in Rhyme

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHANUKAH...
OY! WHAT A SHOCK!
SOMEBODY OUTSIDE
WAS PICKING OUR LOCK!

AND THERE AT THE DOOR
STOOD A 'ZAYDA' IN BLUE-
AND HE WORE ON HIS KUPP
A BLUE YARMULKA, TOO!

HIS PUNIM WAS SHAIN-
EVERYBODY WOULD LOVE IT!
'ROUND HIS NECK HUNG A CHAIN
WITH A GOLD MOGEN DOVID!

HE WORE SILKEN TSITZES
BENEATH HIS WOOL VEST,
AND A SMALL FLAG OF ISRAEL
WAS DRAPED ON HIS CHEST!

HE SAID: "I'M NO BURGLAR,
SO PLEASE DON'T BE NERVOUS.
I'M THE SPIRIT OF CHANUKAH,
HERE AT YOUR SERVICE!"

"MENCHEN ALL CALL ME
'REB' SHALOM SHAPIRO!
WITHOUT ME, THIS YOM-TOV
MIGHT NEED A NEW "HERO!"

"I VISIT ALL YIDLACH,
AND BRING - KINNAHORRA-
GOOD FORTUNE AS BRIGHT
AS A GLOWING MENORAH!"

"ICH SHLEPP LOTS OF BLESSINGS
AND CHANUKAH GELT,
AND JOYS THAT ARE TAKKA
THE BEST IN DER VELT!"

"IF YOU KNOW NICE MENCHEN,
I'LL VISIT THEM QUICK,
AND I'LL BRING THEM GEZUNT
AND A HOUSEFUL OF GLICK!"

SO WE SENT HIM TO YOUR HOUSE,
AND SHOOK HANDS AND PARTED.
HE SHOUTED, "SHALOM!"
AS OUT THE DOORWAY HE DARTED!

HE RAN TO A WAGON
WITH HORSES AHEAD.
HE FED THEM SOME BAGELS,
AND HERE'S WHAT HE SAID:

"LET'S GO, MOISH AND MENDEL!
MAKE QUICK, MOE AND YUSSLE!
PLEASE GIVE A RUSH, MALKAH!
HEY, HYMIE, PLEASE HUSTLE!"

THEN THEY RACED LIKE THE WIND!
AND THEY GALLOPED SO SHNELL,
ALL HIS CLOTHING BLEW OFF,
AND HIS GATKES AS WELL!

SOON HE WAS SO KALT
THAT HIS TUSHIE TURNED BLUISH!
HE MOANED AND HE HOLLERED
IN ENGLISH AND JEWISH!

SO, DON'T ACT EMBARRASSED,
AND PLEASE DON'T BE RUDE
WHEN THAT FROSTBITTEN ZAYDA
ARRIVES IN THE NUDE!

QUICK! WRAP HIM IN BLANKETS!
DON'T BEAT 'ROUND THE BUSH'!
AND TIE A HOT WATER BAG
ON HIS COLD TUSH!

QUICK! FEED HIM SOME CHICKEN SOUP
HEISS AS CAN BE!
AND GIVE HIM SOME SHNAPPS
AND A GLEZ'L HOT TEA!

'CAUSE HE BRINGS YOU A HOUSEFUL
OF CHANUKAH WISHES
AS WARM AND GESHMOCK
AS PLATE OF HOT KNISHES!

AND HE BRINGS THEM FROM OUR HOUSE
SO FRIENDLY AND BRIGHT,
SO YOUR HOUSE WILL KEEP GLOWING
WITH CHANUKAH LIGHT.

PLUS JOY SWEET AS TSUKKER,
AND PEACE AND GOOD-CHEER
AND EVERYTHING FRAYLACH
EACH DAY OF THE YEAR!

AND NONE IN YOUR FAMILY
WILL BE A SHLEMAZEL,
FOR LIFE WILL BRING EACH OF YOU
SIMCHAS AND MAZEL!

AND ALL THROUGH THE FUTURE
YOUR HOPES WILL COME TRUE,
AND HIMMEL WILL BLESS
YOUR MISHPOCHA AND YOU!!!


חג חנוכה שמח

Party Time! Chanukah Style...

Calorie counting begone! Time to let the inner party animal out to "responsibly" play, it's chanukah time again. We here at The CJ Shmooze have the best picks for where to go and what to do.

To kick it off there is not one but two chances to take in a unique performance from critically acclaimed artist SoCalled. His set will be showcased first in an intimate and interactive setting live December 1st at The House (469 Eglinton Ave.W. # 203). The following night, on December 2nd, in an event presented by Ashkenaz and The Annex Shul, SoCalled takes to the stage at the Mod Club (722 College St.)

Young professionals/students looking for a fun-filled, latka-laden, two-part holiday weekend celebration, need look no further. Shabbat dinner begins at 7:30 with a full spread laid out by JUMP (Jewish Urban Meeting Place at 1992 Yonge Street, Unit 103) on December 3rd. The party continues as doors open starting at 9 p.m. Saturday the time at LOL Resto Lounge (718 College St.)

If you're not latka'd out yet, then come out December 7th and learn how to make holiday favorites at home while cooking jointly with BAC (Birthright Alumni Community) and JUMP. Leftovers will surely be welcome on December 8th while you try your luck at dreydle games and more during JUMP's first game night.

That takes us just about to the end of Community Connect's 8 Crazy Nights for 2010, so how to really close it out in style?... Easy! Dor L'Dor Hadassah Chapter's 5th Annual Dreidel Bash at 6 Degrees (2335 Yonge St.) Tickets are on sale now get your today before they sell out.

For more details on all these events, look to the City Wide Events Album Here