Hair donation story follow-up

Just before I left for vacation last month, I received a phone call from a woman who had read my article about Sonia Kafka.

Like many people who’ve cut and donated their long tresses, Sonia gave away two thick braids to be used for wigs for children who’ve lost their hair because of medical issues.

But her story has a unique twist. Sonia’s braids were cut 61 years ago when she was a 13-year-old immigrant, newly arrived in Toronto.

She’d kept the braids in a chocolate box and, when she came across it recently, was inspired to donate the hair, following the example of youngsters whose pictures she’d seen in The CJN.

The woman who called me said she had kept her own braids for 63 years, since she was eight years old. They were 17 inches long and still had little red ribbons on them, she added.

It never entered her mind that they might be of use to anyone else, but now she was seeking information about where she might donate them.

As it turns out, a friend of my mother’s who had also read the article had braids of her own, dating back to when she was a young teenager. She had kept them in tissue paper for well over 60 years – longer than either of the other two women – through moves from one city to another, and then a third.

She said she’ll be thrilled if someone can use them.

To read the original article, click here.

The Whole Truth

Dear Ella
A close friend of mine just bought new furniture. She was very excited when she called and invited me over to see it and give my opinion.
I didn’t think anything of it, as Deb and I go way back and we always consult each other on many issues.
When I got there, I realized she wasn’t kidding. She bought new living, dining and bedroom furniture. She practically redid her whole house!
We did a walkthrough, and she asked me straight out what I thought about each and every piece. I have always been honest with her, as she has with me, and I didn’t feel this situation was any different. However, when I told her I didn’t like her dining room set, she informed me she had bought all the furniture at a bankruptcy sale and it’s non-refundable. She was quite hurt and upset that I didn’t like the dining room. I tried to backtrack, but the damage was done. Was I wrong to give her my honest opinion?
Whole Truth and Nothing But

Dear Whole Truth and Nothing But,
You walked into a trap. Your friend didn’t want your opinion on her new furniture, she wanted to share her excitement with you.
She wanted you to tell her everything was gorgeous, that she has great taste, that she got a fabulous deal. Even without Deb realizing it, all she really wanted was your validation – she was just too excited to think it through, and never expected a negative response.
You can’t take back what you’ve already said, but you can learn from this experience. A truthful opinion can backfire when nothing can be done about the final outcome.
If Deb got a terrible haircut, should you say, “It looks awful, but don’t worry. It will grow back”?
Before you answer the question “What do you think of my new [anything]?” you need to get some facts. Whether it’s as small as a new dress or as large as a new house, get the whole story before you offer your opinion. If the purchase is final, would admitting that you disapprove help in any way? Did telling her you didn’t like her furniture accomplish anything other than hurting her feelings?
You don’t have to come out and lie, but choose your words carefully. You might say something like: “You got a fabulous deal,” or “The furniture fits perfectly in here,” or even “It’s not exactly my taste, but it’s a beautiful set”.
Telling the truth is important, but not necessarily when the situation is a fait accompli. If there’s nothing to be gained by offering a negative opinion, why do it? Don’t dwell on this incident. What’s done is done. Your relationship with Deb will survive. You have learned something from this experience. Once in awhile, when the opportunity is appropriate, skirting the truth may be the gracious thing to do.

Lessons from Alexis

Sadly, I began the first week of the year by attending a funeral.

Alexis Wronzberg, who died last week in Israel, was by all accounts a vibrant young woman with a winning smile that matched her love of life.

Toronto’s Jewish community joined her family and friends in rallying for her last fall when she suffered a recurrence of acute lymphoblastic leukemia, raising $300,000 so she could travel to Israel for treatment that was not available here. In November, she received a bone marrow and stem cell transplant from her mother, Debra.

At her funeral yesterday morning, four of her grieving friends – each wearing a scarf in tribute to Alexis’ sense of style – recalled her strength, positive attitude, and her capacity for love, friendship and living in the moment.

“Precious, beautiful, funny, caring, loving, giving Alexis” was the way Rabbi Philip Scheim described her.

“Lex didn’t live her life as a cancer patient,” one of her friends said. “Her hospital room was always a party. We were always looking for more chairs... Based on the company, the takeout food, the laughter – you’d never know that we were sitting in a hospital room.”

Lessons from Alexis, according to her friends, include:
• be happy and positive about life
• cherish your friends and family
• travel
• don’t sweat the small stuff
• enjoy the simple things in life
• eat lots of yummy food
• and, most of all, live life to the fullest.

Anyone still contemplating New Year’s resolutions may find them right here.

McMaster University: The New Jew U?

Most students move through their elementary school days to the local high school with a bit of familiarity. They take with them others they know, likely their friends and continue to forge an identity over the 12 year span. Once the high school days end a good part of that carefully crafted social identity falls away.

Constructing the balance between learning and socializing, starts to an extent from the beginning again. It can once more be a solo journey through the gates to higher learning in a post secondary college/university setting.

Richard Moline, Director of Koach, in his article Choosing a College writes,

"The college selection process, while opening doors to unparalleled growth and exploration, can also be very stressful and trying. Scores of books are published each year providing students and their parents with information on various schools... Most families explore these areas quite carefully while neglecting to consider the availability of any Jewish programming or community...

Frustrated, students may spend a miserable semester or year, or even find themselves transferring to another school where they might feel more comfortable being Jewish."

At McMaster University, Richard Moline has been heard and YES is the new answer to the critical questions:

Can I have both a great University experience while living in a Jewish friendly atmosphere?

Can I get an unbelievable university education while being who I am?

Is there a kosher food option?

Is there a community that will support my needs?

McMaster Center for Jewish Life. Coming fall 2011.

Stay tuned to this channel. A preview of new the center will be available soon.