Mr. Right has sailed

Dear Ella,
It’s time. I’m finished school, I have a fabulous job and now I’m ready. Unfortunately, I may have missed the boat. Most of my friends are already married.
Some already have one or two kids, and here I am just pining for a date.

I joined the usual online dating sites, I’ve gone the speed-dating route, I’ve even resorted to dropping in to Home Depot from time to time, but no luck.

I seem to be left with the dribs and drabs of the nebbish crowd. I think Mr. Right has sailed.

All along I thought I had the perfect plan. I didn’t want a relationship to get in the way of my career. My parents instilled the value of education in my brothers and I and insisted we concentrate on our studies. My two brothers had no problem finding their wives, but good single men are hard to find.

I’ll do anything – just tell me what I’m doing wrong.

Finding Mr . Right


Dear Finding Mr. Right

Your life plan has worked up till now, because it required only your discipline and determination to fulfil your goals. To achieve your next goal, the control is not yours alone. You need a partner who will accept you as much as you’ll accept him.

You’ve taken a very practical approach and so far have done well meeting your educational and career goals. You should be proud of those accomplishments.

Perhaps finding that perfect mate can’t be planned in the same way you planned the other parts of your life. However, you can increase you chances of meeting a suitable guy and enjoying yourself at the same time.

Put yourself out there. Join groups, attend programs offered by different organizations. Try a hobby. Maybe join a writer’s group or book club at a library. How about a gym or organized sport such as volleyball, or a walking club. Talk to your neighbours at the park or coffee shop, or at garage sales. Be open to blind dates from people you trust.

Above all, you need to truly be open-minded, less judgemental and willing to try. Are you turned off immediately because he doesn’t look like Tom Cruise or he dresses like a dweeb? Have you given him a chance to show you what makes him tick, how he thinks, what kind of morals and interests he has, or how he behaves when he’s not nervous? When you meet someone while doing something you both like, the mood and expectations are different. You both get to see each other in real life.

Remember that after 10 years, a man may not have the thick head of hair you were once attracted to, but he might be your perfect partner.

Online dating might work for some, but dating profiles are like advertisements. Their purpose is to look and sound as good as possible, often at the cost of the truth. As for speed dating, how much can you possibly find out about a person in three minutes when you’re both trying so hard to be wonderful?

You need to relax and do things you enjoy in a social environment. It will fall into place. Just let it happen.